All posts by : artem

The alarm goes off at 5 AM. My hand hovers over the snooze button, and for a split second, I’m back to that old familiar battle. The bed feels impossibly warm, especially on these cold mornings. My two sons won’t be up for another two hours. Every fiber of my being whispers, “just ten more minutes.” But here’s the thing—I don’t wait for motivation to strike anymore. I swing my legs out of bed anyway.

This morning ritual has taught me something profound about success, both as a CEO and as a father. We’ve all been sold this idea that we need to feel motivated before we act. That we should wait for that surge of inspiration, that perfect moment when everything clicks. Meanwhile, life passes by while we’re still hitting snooze, waiting for a feeling that might never come. This is the fundamental flaw in the motivation vs discipline debate.

The truth? Understanding the difference between motivation and discipline isn’t just some productivity hack. It’s the dividing line between those who dream about their goals and those who actually achieve them. I’ve seen it play out countless times, both in my own journey building LifeHack and in the thousands of people we’ve helped.

Today, I’m going to show you why discipline beats motivation every single time—and how to build it.

Table of Contents

Understanding Motivation: The Spark That Starts the Fire
Understanding Discipline: The Engine That Keeps You Going
The Science: What Research Tells Us
Why Discipline Beats Motivation Every Time
Building Your Discipline System
When You Need Both: The Dynamic Duo
Conclusion: Your Next 30 Days

Understanding Motivation: The Spark That Starts the Fire

Think of motivation as lightning in a bottle. Beautiful, powerful, electrifying—and impossible to predict when it’ll strike next.

At its core, motivation is your brain’s reward system firing on all cylinders. When you feel motivated, your brain floods with dopamine, that feel-good neurotransmitter that makes everything seem possible. It’s the same chemical that lights up when you eat chocolate, fall in love, or win at poker. No wonder it feels so damn good.

Here’s the catch: motivation is a fickle friend. Remember that workout plan you started with religious fervor in January? By February, that fire probably dimmed to barely a flicker. Or that side project that consumed your weekends—until it didn’t.

I once decided to learn Spanish. Bought the books. Downloaded the apps. For two weeks, I was unstoppable. Then life happened. A busy week at work. A Netflix binge. Suddenly, “mañana” became my most-used Spanish word.

The neuroscience is clear: motivation relies on emotional states, which fluctuate like the stock market. Your prefrontal cortex might want to write that novel, but if your limbic system isn’t feeling it, good luck getting past page three.

This isn’t a character flaw. It’s human nature. Motivation runs on feelings, and feelings are about as reliable as weather forecasts. That’s why waiting for motivation to strike before taking action is like waiting for perfect conditions to start living.

Understanding Discipline: The Engine That Keeps You Going

Here’s the thing about discipline—it’s not the iron-willed, teeth-gritting force we imagine. Think of it more like a well-worn path through the woods. The first few times you walk it, you’re pushing through brambles, unsure of each step. But after a while? Your feet know the way.

Discipline is really about building systems that work when your brain doesn’t want to. It’s the habit loop in action: cue, routine, reward. Your alarm goes off (cue), you roll out of bed and hit the gym (routine), you feel accomplished (reward). Repeat this enough, and something magical happens—automaticity kicks in. You stop negotiating with yourself. You just do.

Sure, it feels brutal at first. Your brain fights change like a cat resists a bath. Every fiber screams for the cozy comfort of old patterns. But here’s what they don’t tell you: discipline has a tipping point. After about 66 days (on average), that uphill battle becomes a gentle slope. Then, surprisingly, it flips—NOT doing the thing feels harder than doing it.

The real power? Compound interest on your efforts. Those daily 20-minute workouts? They’re not just building muscle; they’re rewiring your identity. Small disciplined actions stack like LEGOs, creating something bigger than their parts. Miss one day, no big deal. Miss two, and you’re already rebuilding momentum.

Discipline isn’t about becoming a robot. It’s about creating freedom—freedom from decision fatigue, from self-doubt, from starting over every Monday.

The Science: What Research Tells Us

Remember that Stanford marshmallow experiment where kids who waited for two marshmallows supposedly became more successful? Well, plot twist – a 2018 replication with 918 children found the effect largely disappeared when researchers controlled for socioeconomic factors. Turns out, your zip code might predict success better than your willpower at age four.

But here’s where it gets interesting: while early self-control isn’t the magic bullet we thought, the neuroscience of discipline tells a different story. Your brain literally has two competing systems – the dopamine-driven reward circuit (hello, motivation!) centered in the ventral tegmental area, and the prefrontal cortex’s executive control network (team discipline!). When you’re motivated, dopamine floods your nucleus accumbens, creating that “I can conquer the world” feeling. Discipline? That’s your dorsolateral prefrontal cortex putting on its adult pants and overriding the “ooh, shiny!” impulses.

Speaking of discipline, forget the 21-day habit myth – that came from a plastic surgeon observing physical recovery, not behavior change. Phillippa Lally’s groundbreaking study tracked 96 people forming new habits and found it took anywhere from 18 to 254 days, averaging 66 days. The good news? Missing a day won’t derail your progress. The bad news? That “drink water after breakfast” habit might take two months to stick.

What actually predicts long-term success? Angela Duckworth’s West Point study of 11,000+ cadets revealed that grit – passion plus perseverance – predicted who’d survive “Beast Barracks” better than IQ or physical fitness. Cadets scoring high on grit had 54% better odds of making it through. Translation: caring deeply about your goals (passion) while showing up consistently (discipline) beats raw talent.

Interestingly, AI coaching is showing promise in building these discipline systems. Recent studies found AI coaches matched human coaches in goal attainment, with participants appreciating the 24/7 availability and judgment-free zone. While AI can’t replace human empathy, it excels at consistent accountability – perfect for building those discipline muscles when motivation takes a vacation.

Why Discipline Beats Motivation Every Time

Picture Michael Phelps at 5:30 AM, staring at a chlorinated pool in Baltimore. It’s 2003, years before his first Olympic gold. The water’s cold. His muscles ache from yesterday’s 12,000-meter swim. Does he feel motivated? Hell no. But he dives in anyway. Every. Single. Day. Even Christmas.

Here’s the brutal truth about motivation vs discipline: motivation is emotion-based, fleeting as a summer crush. Discipline? That’s system-based, as reliable as gravity. One depends on how you feel; the other depends on what you’ve decided.

Phelps’ coach Bob Bowman understood this. He didn’t build the most decorated Olympian by relying on motivation. He built a machine. Phelps swam 365 days a year for six years straight. Not because he woke up inspired—but because 10:00 AM meant pool time, period. By the time Beijing 2008 rolled around, those eight gold medals weren’t won by motivation. They were won by 13,000 hours of showing up when he didn’t feel like it.

Ever fallen into the motivation trap? You know—waiting for that perfect surge of energy before starting your business, writing your book, getting in shape. Meanwhile, successful people operate on a different frequency. They’ve discovered what psychologist William James called the “second wind” phenomenon: action creates energy, not the other way around.

Consider Serena Williams’ pre-match routine. The same sequence for twenty years: arrive two hours early, stretch for exactly 40 minutes, hit 50 serves, visualize for 10 minutes. Think she felt pumped for every single match? After 1,000+ professional games? Unlikely. But that routine turned her into a 23-time Grand Slam champion. The system carried her when motivation couldn’t.

This is where the 2-minute rule becomes your secret weapon. Can’t write a chapter? Write one paragraph. Can’t run 5 miles? Lace up your shoes and walk to the mailbox. Stanford researcher BJ Fogg calls this “minimum viable habit”—make it so small, so stupidly easy, that your brain can’t say no. Then watch momentum take over.

Because here’s what nobody tells you: discipline compounds while motivation evaporates. Those two minutes become twenty. Those twenty become a habit. That habit becomes your identity. Suddenly, you’re not someone trying to write—you’re a writer. Not someone attempting fitness—you’re an athlete.

Stop waiting for lightning to strike. Build your power grid instead.

Building Your Discipline System

Here’s the truth bomb: discipline isn’t built through willpower – it’s engineered through identity change. Instead of saying “I need to exercise,” I tell myself “I am someone who never misses a workout.” See the difference? One is a chore. The other is who I am.

When I first started LifeHack, I wasn’t “trying to be an entrepreneur.” I decided I was an entrepreneur. Every 5 AM wake-up reinforced that identity. Every late night of coding wasn’t sacrifice – it was simply what entrepreneurs do. My sons now see their dad as someone who does hard things consistently. That’s the legacy I’m building, one disciplined day at a time.

Environmental design is your secret weapon. I keep my running shoes by the bed – literally trip over them getting up. My phone charges in the kitchen, not the bedroom. The coffee maker is programmed for 4:55 AM. These aren’t life hacks; they’re guardrails against my weaker self. James Clear calls this “making the right thing the easy thing,” and damn if it doesn’t work.

Non-negotiable routines become your fortress. Mine? Write for 90 minutes before checking email. No exceptions. Not for “urgent” Slack messages, not for breaking news, not even when my younger son had that science project due (okay, maybe that once). The power isn’t in perfection – it’s in the comeback after you break the streak.

Apply progressive overload like you’re training for life. Started with 5 pushups? Next week, do 6. Can only meditate for 2 minutes? Make it 2:30. This isn’t about heroic leaps; it’s about 1% improvements that compound into transformation. My first blog post took 8 hours. Now I bang out 2,000 words before breakfast.

Track ruthlessly, but forgive quickly. I use a simple spreadsheet – green squares for completed habits, red for missed. The visual punch of a broken chain motivates better than any app. But here’s the critical part: self-compassion isn’t weakness. When I miss a day (and I do), I don’t spiral into self-flagellation. I ask, “What can I learn?” then get back on track.

Recovery is part of the system, not a break from it. Discipline without rest is a recipe for burnout – trust me, I’ve got the therapy bills to prove it. Schedule downtime like you schedule work. Your future disciplined self will thank you.

When You Need Both: The Dynamic Duo

Look, I’m not saying motivation is useless. That initial spark? It’s like rocket fuel for setting your direction. When I decided to transform LifeHack into what it is today, motivation painted the vision. But discipline built it, brick by brick.

Here’s the beautiful thing: disciplined action actually creates motivation. Every morning I complete my writing routine, I feel a surge of accomplishment that carries into the rest of my day. It’s a virtuous cycle—discipline generates results, results generate motivation, motivation reinforces discipline.

I call these “motivational anchors.” My son’s graduation photo on my desk reminds me why I work. My daily workout log shows me how far I’ve come. These aren’t crutches; they’re strategic reminders that connect my daily disciplines to my deeper why.

Think of motivation vs discipline as your compass and engine. One shows you where to go; the other gets you there.

Conclusion: Your Next 30 Days

Here’s your challenge: Pick ONE thing. Just one. Maybe it’s five pushups every morning. Maybe it’s writing 100 words daily. The what doesn’t matter as much as the doing.

For the next 30 days, do it no matter what. Motivated? Do it. Exhausted? Do it. Inspired? Do it. Overwhelmed? Still do it.

This isn’t about the pushups or the writing. It’s about proving to yourself that you’re someone who follows through. That you don’t need to feel like it to do it.

Because once you crack this code—once you realize discipline is a skill you can build, not a talent you’re born with—everything changes. You master the motivation vs discipline equation and become unstoppable.

Your future self is counting on today’s decision. What will you choose?

Ever caught yourself contemplating the familiar dance of your mouse on the blank screen, endlessly scrolling through emails, only to avoid starting on that looming project? An odd mix of guilt and frustration follows you, an unwelcome shadow on a bright summer’s day. You wonder, am I just being lazy?

This is a scenario we’ve all been in, nudged by a mischievous accomplice known as procrastination. Often misunderstood as simple laziness, procrastination is an intentional decision to postpone what we should be doing, even when we know the delay may cost us. We see that unread report, that blank word document, but we choose to navigate away. It’s a kind of self-sabotage, one that has us prioritizing today’s comfort over tomorrow’s gain.

But let’s not confuse procrastination with laziness. Laziness is a reluctance to act or put in any effort, even when we’re fully capable. It’s like having the ingredients and the recipe to make a dish, but choosing to stay on the couch because, well, it’s too much work.

In this article, we will discuss the differences and relationships between procrastination and laziness. Are they truly distinctive or just two sides of the same coin?

Table of Contents

Procrastination vs Laziness

The Nature of Procrastination
Understanding Laziness

How Are Procrastination And Laziness Related?
How to Stop Being Lazy And Stop Procrastinating

1. Find the Source of Motivation
2. Make Your Goals Manageable
3. Create a Plan of Action
4. Engage in Positive Self-Talk
5. Reflect on Your Strengths
Something Worth Noting….

Final Thoughts

Procrastination vs Laziness

Let’s start with understanding their differences at their core:

The Nature of Procrastination

Under the umbrella of procrastination, there exist many patterns, each fuelled by a unique set of psychological factors:

First Up, We’ve Got the Perfectionists.

These folks delay because they fear the outcome won’t live up to their high standards. They’ll wait for that perfect moment that never comes, turning a blind eye to the wisdom of “done is better than perfect.”

Then Come the Dreamers.

They love big ideas but stumble when it comes to executing them. The thought of the gritty, step-by-step process of turning dreams into reality prompts them to delay, making them perpetual residents of ‘Someday Isle’.

Next Are the Avoiders And Self-Saboteurs.

They’re experts in steering clear of tasks that are tough or uncomfortable. The idea is, if they don’t start, they can’t fail. It’s a safety net that gives them an excuse for not performing well: “I didn’t have enough time”.

The Crisis-Makers, on the other hand, thrive under pressure.

They procrastinate until the eleventh hour, convinced they work best when the heat is on. In reality, though, this often leads to rushed, subpar work and elevated stress levels.

Lastly, the Busy Bees.

They are always buzzing around, juggling numerous trivial tasks while the big, important ones take a back seat. They may seem busy, but their constant activity is just another form of procrastination.

While these behaviors might appear harmless, they embody a significant problem: unnecessary delay. Procrastination is like a sly fox, luring us into a state of inactivity that often leads to adverse outcomes. It hinders our performance and gnaws at our emotional wellbeing, essentially becoming a maladaptive behavior.More often than not, it leaves us worse off than we anticipated, thus making it far from beneficial.

Interestingly, this delay is usually unintentional. Despite our best intentions to complete tasks on time, we often find ourselves entangled in the web of procrastination. It’s like a sneaky enemy, attacking when we least expect it. But by understanding its different forms and underlying causes, we’re better equipped to combat it..

Understanding Laziness

Shifting our spotlight to laziness, we find it occupying a broad spectrum, stretching from mental inertia to physical inactivity.

Individuals showing signs of laziness usually do so despite being well aware of the negative outcomes. Poor performance, lost opportunities, and a nagging sense of regret are just some of the sour fruits borne from the tree of laziness.

But let’s not rush to label someone as inherently lazy. More often than not, laziness is a symptom, not the disease.

They haven’t found their inner spark.

Many so-called “lazy” people are merely in limbo because they haven’t found their passion or, for various reasons, aren’t pursuing it. It’s hard to muster enthusiasm for something that doesn’t ignite your inner spark.

Underneath this apparent laziness may lurk low self-esteem and confidence.

If someone doesn’t believe they can succeed, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They retreat into laziness, in order to prevent potential failure. It’s easier to dismiss an effort as not worth trying than face the sting of falling short.

Feelings of hopelessness can feed laziness.

If a person feels their efforts won’t bring about change, they might think, “Why bother?” This hopeless outlook can cement a person in a state of inaction, an infertile ground where nothing grows.

Think about a student who doesn’t study for exams. It may seem like laziness at first glance. However, digging deeper might reveal that the student feels overwhelmed by the vast syllabus. They may believe they’ll fail regardless of how much they study. It could also be that they find no joy or relevance in what they’re studying, leading to disinterest and apparent laziness.

Understanding these psychological triggers allows us to view laziness from a compassionate lens. It’s rarely about an unwillingness to act but more often a response to deeper, unaddressed issues.

How Are Procrastination And Laziness Related?

Let’s delve into their overlapping behaviors.

Both tend to involve avoidance and a lack of motivation. But while procrastination is about delaying tasks despite knowing the costs, laziness involves a reluctance to put forth any effort, irrespective of the potential gains.

Interestingly, these behaviors can fuel each other in a vicious cycle:

Laziness can give birth to procrastination. When we lack the motivation to act, we find reasons to delay. Over time, this continual deferment becomes our default response – a habit of procrastination.

Similarly, procrastination can breed laziness. The more we postpone tasks, the more we erode our self-confidence and motivation. And without motivation, laziness finds a cozy home.

Take the example of an adult who wants to get in shape. They start with good intentions but lacking motivation, they procrastinate, pushing off the start of their exercise regimen to “tomorrow”.

The continual delays start chipping away at their resolve until they believe their efforts won’t make a difference. The perceived futility leads them into the grasp of laziness, and they abandon their fitness goal altogether.

In fact, according to research, Americans average more than 5 hours of free time per day but they fail to meet physical activity guidelines, suggesting an undercurrent of laziness. Further indicators can be found in the rising obesity rates, with 42.4% of U.S. adults classified as obese in 2017-2018.

The intersection between procrastination and laziness creates a quagmire of unproductivity. However, recognizing these interconnections is the first step towards breaking the cycle.

How to Stop Being Lazy And Stop Procrastinating

Interestingly, whether you think you are a procrastinator, or are being lazy, the strategies to get rid of these behaviors are almost the same:

1. Find the Source of Motivation

Breaking free from the clutches of procrastination and laziness begins with this step: finding your motivation.

Lack of clarity breeds procrastination and laziness. If you’re unsure about what you want, you won’t know what truly matters to you. You’re likely to delay tasks you find uninteresting or meaningless. You might feel like you’re drifting, pushed and pulled by the whims of the moment rather than moving with purpose towards a meaningful destination.

Think about what you truly want to achieve.

Is it a promotion at work? A healthier lifestyle? Mastering a new skill?

Don’t just skim the surface; dive deep. Ask yourself why you want it.

Perhaps you desire financial stability, or you long for the satisfaction that comes from self-improvement. The clearer you are about your goals and the reasons behind them, the stronger your motivation will be.

Once you’ve defined your “what” and your “why,” align your actions accordingly. This alignment acts like a compass, guiding you when distractions or difficulties threaten to steer you off course.

By identifying your goals and understanding why they are important to you, you can fuel your motivation. This fuel can power you through the inertia of laziness and help you overcome the habit of procrastination.

2. Make Your Goals Manageable

Sometimes, our goals can feel like mountains, towering and intimidating. The sheer size of the task can leave us feeling paralyzed.

The solution? Break it down into small, achievable tasks. Think of it as turning your mountain into a series of molehills.

Let’s say you’re planning to declutter and reorganize your entire home. If you focus on the end goal – a thoroughly cleaned and neatly arranged house – it might seem overwhelming. But if you break it down into smaller tasks, such as cleaning one room at a time or dedicating just 15 minutes a day to decluttering a particular area, it becomes much more manageable.

Each manageable task is something you can act on immediately. This step-by-step approach not only makes the larger goal more achievable but also gives you a sense of accomplishment with each small victory.

This approach does two things:

First, it encourages you to take that all-important first step. Starting is often the hardest part, but when the first step is a small, achievable task, it’s much easier to get moving.

Second, it builds momentum. As you complete each small task, you’ll start to see progress. This can fuel your motivation and help you maintain momentum, making it easier to tackle the next task.

Read How to Break Down a Large Project into Manageable Tasks for detailed steps.

3. Create a Plan of Action

Now that you’ve broken down your goal into manageable tasks, the next step is to map out when and how you’ll complete these tasks.

This is where time blocking comes into play. It’s like setting up a meeting with your tasks. Schedule specific blocks of time for each task in your calendar, and treat these appointments with the same respect as you would a meeting with a client or your boss.

In addition, set reminders, deadlines, and milestones to ensure that you follow through. Think of these as your accountability tools:

Reminders are your nudges to start a task. They can be simple alerts on your phone or more tangible cues in your environment. You can even make use of time management apps to help you stay on track.

Deadlines, on the other hand, create a sense of urgency. They tell you not just what you need to do, but when it needs to be done. They’re the finish line you’re racing towards.

Milestones are your checkpoints along the way. They give you a chance to pause, evaluate your progress, and celebrate your achievements. They can also act as motivators, reminding you of how far you’ve come and propelling you towards the next stage of your goal.

A well-crafted plan of action is like a roadmap, guiding you from where you are now to where you want to be. It takes the guesswork out of the process and gives you a clear path to follow, making it easier to keep procrastination and laziness at bay.

4. Engage in Positive Self-Talk

Our thoughts often dictate our actions. If you’ve seen the Apple TV series “Ted Lasso,” you’ve witnessed the power of positive self-talk in action. The show’s protagonist, Ted, is constantly cheering himself and others on, using affirmations and encouraging words like his signature “Believe” sign in the locker room. The results are evident in the team’s improved morale and performance, and it can work the same way in your life too.

Positive self-talk does more than just make you feel good. It can boost your confidence, transforming the mindset of “what I do doesn’t matter” into “what I do makes a difference.” This change in perspective can be the difference between giving up in the face of adversity and persisting through the challenges.

Positive self-talk can also help you combat various fears — fear of failure, fear of success, fear of uncertainty. These fears can trap us in a state of procrastination or laziness, stopping us from taking action. By employing positive affirmation, we can calm these fears and create a mindset conducive to action and progress.

5. Reflect on Your Strengths

It’s a common scenario: we’re standing at the edge of a new venture, a big project, or a challenging task, and doubt creeps in.

We start questioning our abilities, our knowledge, our worthiness. We start lacking the confidence to dive in.

Here’s the antidote: reflection on your strengths.

This isn’t about inflating your ego or ignoring areas for improvement. It’s about giving yourself credit where credit is due — recognizing what you’re good at, acknowledging your accomplishments, and appreciating the skills and talents you bring to the table.

Reflecting on your strengths reminds you of what you’re capable of. It reinforces your self-confidence and empowers you to take on tasks, face challenges, and chase after your goals. Your strengths then become your tools — your assets in achieving what you set out to do.

If you’re good at problem-solving, use that skill to find solutions when you encounter roadblocks. If you have a knack for organization, leverage that strength to plan and manage your tasks effectively. By utilizing your strengths, you can transform tasks from daunting to doable, from overwhelming to achievable.

Something Worth Noting….

Most of us aren’t actually lazy. Far from it.

Many people who tangle with procrastination are, in truth, the complete opposite of lazy. They’re often overworked, stressed to the hilt. They understand the consequences of inaction, and they aspire to achieve their goals in the best way possible.

This tug-of-war between knowing what needs to be done and aspiring for perfection sets the stage for procrastination, not laziness.

So, how do we break free from the grasp of procrastination? How do we ensure it doesn’t escalate into laziness?

I’ve put together an in-depth guide to help you dive deeper into procrastination and how to tackle it head-ont: How to End Procrastination. Give it a read!

Final Thoughts

Procrastination is about delaying tasks, even when we know we’ll be worse off for it. On the other hand, laziness stems from a disinclination to act, even when we have the ability to do so.

These two behaviors, though distinct, often feed into one another, creating a cycle of inactivity and unproductivity.

Whether you think you’re lazy or procrastinating all the time, here’s your call to action: Reflect on your own behaviors. Are you caught in the net of procrastination? If so, it’s time to take steps to overcome it.

Oh, those voices in our heads! You know the ones. They whisper words of judgment and doubt. They ask us, “Who do you think you are?” and “How could you possibly be so clueless?” They are masters at making us feel as if we’re just not good enough. And before we even realize it’s happening, slowly but surely, we start losing confidence in who we are, what we do, and pretty much everything we ever thought we knew.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. According to the online therapy platform BetterHealth, everyone lacks confidence occasionally. It’s also not your fault. So many factors contribute to losing confidence. An article in Psychology Today points to everything from genetic makeup to life experiences to media messages as reasons why we may be losing confidence.

So, what can we do when we’re losing confidence? The answer is “a lot.”

Below are four simple steps that have restored confidence quickly in the people I coach, and I know they’ll help you do the same.

Step 1: Figure Out the Root Cause

Knowing why you’re losing confidence is key to reversing that downward spiral and not only getting your confidence back but also strengthening it in the process.

So, take the time to become aware of your environment, your thoughts, your behaviors, and your relationships so that you can identify the negative influences that need to be addressed.

For example:

Are you comparing yourself to other people’s “highlight reels” on social media? Does doing that boost your confidence or does it do the very opposite?
Are you putting unrealistic expectations on yourself? Do you feel as if you have to be “perfect” or that you have to “know it all” from the word go? Are those “unattainables” part of the problem in your losing confidence?
Are you feeling your age? Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, or beyond, every season of life brings with it new experiences, and sometimes, having to learn something new contributes to our losing confidence in who we thought we were.
Are the people in your life—your so-called “friends,” your bosses, colleagues, or even your significant others—disrespecting you to the point of beating you and your self-confidence down?

Asking yourself these questions and getting answers will help you to begin to break free from whoever and whatever is dragging you down.

Step 2: Remember Who You Are

I know. This sounds either too simple or a bit daunting and maybe even scary. But I promise you that all the people I have coached have found it to be empowering.

This is, quite simply, taking inventory of yourself. So, take out a sheet of paper. Write down the years you’ve been alive.

You can start at any age and focus on individual years or group years in increments of five or ten years. It doesn’t matter how you go about doing this. It only matters that you get real with yourself when you do.

Humans tend to remember and reflect more on the negatives in life—past traumas, unfavorable experiences, perceived failures. So, for this exercise, you want to force yourself to write down things you have done in your past that have gotten you to where you are today.

No moment is too small. No judgments and no cherry-picking. You simply write it all down.

For example, when you were 11 months old, did you take your first steps? What year did you speak your first word? When did you learn to ride your bicycle? Were you 16 when you got your driver’s license? Did you learn your computer skills on a PC or a Mac? When was your first crush or kiss? Were you ever responsible for a fur baby or feathered friend? When’s the first time you boarded an airplane? How old were you when you cashed your first paycheck? What’s one thing you did in your past that you never thought you’d ever be able to do?

You see how when we objectively review all the things we’ve done (and succeeded at)—many of which we had no clue how to do at the start—we begin to realize just how capable we are?

It’s not that we didn’t make mistakes or didn’t fall down while trying and learning. We most likely did. The point is that we progressed and that nothing—neither the good things nor the bad—lasted forever.

In doing this exercise, we begin to see ourselves more clearly and boost our self-confidence. We also start to gain perspective from hindsight, often having those lightbulb moments of how one event that didn’t go as planned actually turned into the catalyst for a moment that was bigger and better than you could have ever anticipated.

We then take this to the next level and go outside of ourselves. So, write a little social media post or craft a simple text message asking the other people in your life to share two or three qualities that come to mind when they think about you.

Don’t be shy about it, and don’t fear what they may say. I promise you that the responses you get will surprise you in a positive kind of way.

We all are our own worst enemies, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to become friends with who we are (and who those voices of self-doubt and judgment in our heads have us convinced we may be).

Step 3: Strike a Pose

Madonna fans may have just uttered the word “Vogue” and, yes, that’s part of what I’m talking about here. If you’ve never actually read the lyrics from Madonna’s 1990 hit bearing that title, I encourage you to do so.

That song is all about getting on the dance floor when you don’t feel good enough inside yourself. The lyrics are speaking to anyone losing confidence, and they suggest how throughout history, icons with attitude just got out there and did their thing—and you can, too.

Don’t believe me? Don’t think it can be that simple? Don’t know or even like to dance?

I hear you. But before you dismiss this step, consider this example from what started me on the path to striking my pose whenever I felt as if I was losing confidence and needed a boost.

I was a young corporate executive struggling to keep my head above water during a particularly challenging time of merging with another team. My paths crossed with an older, wiser “been around the block” celebrity moments before I would be facing a boardroom filled with decision-makers of my fate.

This gracious lady shared with me her secret as to how she was able to exude confidence even in her most dreaded moments.

Ready for it?

In the elevator, hallway, or the bathroom you visit on your way to whatever it is that has shaken your faith in you and your abilities, you do what she told me was called “the Wonder Woman pose” (works no matter how you self-identify).

Simply put, you stand straight, take up some space, put one hand on each hip, chin tilted upward, breathe in, and be present. Hold this pose for a few minutes. It’s one of the power poses by social psychologist Amy Cuddy.

This Harvard Professor, author of the bestselling book, Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, and TED Talk speaker galvanized millions with ways to access our power and elevate our confidence. If you try it, you’d be in good company.

Beyoncé does it. Christine Madeleine Odette Lagarde—the French politician, lawyer, and president of the European Central Bank—does it. And Cuddy’s study explains why it works.

Our attitudes often follow our behaviors, her research suggests, meaning that assuming the body language of a powerful person can make anyone who does it feel more confident.

Step 4: Just Say “No”

Losing confidence means you’ve given your power away. And one of the fastest ways to take back your power is to utter a tiny two-letter word: NO.

Now, this is going to take some practice. But guess what? So did you when you lost confidence in yourself. Revisit Step 1 in this article. Every one of those examples took time and, yes, practice to erode your self-confidence. So now, identify which ones are negatively contributing to how you’re feeling about yourself, and let’s start practicing rebuilding your self-esteem.

Start off small. Is scrolling through your social media doing some damage to your psyche? Then just say “no” to it. Take a break from Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, or whatever is consuming you.

You get to choose whether or not you allow that noise into your life. Prioritizing yourself by saying “no” to paying attention to others’ posts is something that you control and that has a very powerful payoff.

What if you’ve determined that your losing confidence is directly related to you getting older? It’s no secret that there’s bias and ageism and a socially pervasive idea that you’re either too old to do certain activities or to learn new things.

But here’s the thing I’ve come to realize: At every age, we think the decade that came before was easier and that we were somehow better, smarter, faster. Some of that may be true, but most of it isn’t.

Say “no” to focusing on what you think you can’t do or you can no longer do as well as you used to. Put your energies into all that you do know, everything you have experienced, the wisdom you’ve gained, and the skills you’ve acquired. For every moment your inner voice criticizes you, tell it “No. Thanks, but no, you’re wrong, and here’s why…”

Practice saying “no” at least once a day. It can be to your own judgy voices of doubt, or it can be to the external factors you’ve identified that have caused you to lose confidence. It, along with these other suggestions, are very powerful steps in restoring your confidence.

Final Thoughts

Losing confidence in ourselves happens. It’s happened to me on more than one occasion.

I bet if you asked the people closest to you in your life—the ones who outwardly seem to be so very confident—they’ll shrug and nod, letting you know that they’ve experienced self-doubt and a loss of confidence, too. It’s part of being human and living this thing we call life.

Remember, however, the famous quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady and wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

You get to choose. You always have the power. Remember who you are. Strike a pose, and just say “no” to whatever is dragging you down.

So, what do I want to know? What’s one tiny step you’ll take today to start back on the path of restoring your confidence?